gambled i would lose: there are plenty of titles in the post

it's been hard to put thoughts to paper(?) about this homeownership thing, so instead i present a collection of possible titles for this post:

...ok i'll try for actual content now, although i warn you it may be incoherent...

we are, to put it lightly, thrilled. i cooked three times already because i'm so amazed by the triple conveniences of 1) a dishwasher, 2) a kitchen where i can get to every bit of kitchenshit i own, and 3) a kitchen in which r. and i can both stand and work without me getting claustrophic and cornered-feeling and ordering her out. r. will be able to bring leftovers to work with her for lunch this week - pot roast and chicken with mushroom sherry sauce (i make up recipes, r. insists i name them so that she can remember what to ask for).

i spend minutes at a time standing in the living room looking at how the soft light - already yellow, and made extra-buttery by the pale yellow walls - from the sconces in the reading room (this is what we are calling the entry/front room, owing to the bookcases and lovely reading nook set up there) and the glow of the oil candle on the console table in the hallway reflect off of the cut glass champagne flutes (favors from the wedding of friends of ours) sitting on the same table. i wandered through the yard in a wine-drunk haze, poking at the ground that is ours and wanting to wrap myself up in the sod like it was a great big dirty green blanket. i want to snuggle up with this house.

there have been many "milestones" in my life that i looked forward to very much, only to be disappointed by the way i didn't feel any different afterwards. this is not like that. i feel as much more grounded as i hoped i would. even going through the same motions i've gone through before - like looking up at r putting things in an attic for storage, or puttering around the kitchen - feel more homey and permanent now. the weather is turning chilly, too, which just emphasizes the nesting instinct. all i want to do is shuffle around the house in fleece slippers and flannel pjs making tea and baking cookies.