when will i learn not to read old mimi smartypants posts at work? yes, yes, there is nothing to do except be mildly productive-ish in a non-exciting way (really, more e-learning? i've already got more than my entire team combined). but i always end up struggling for breath, my mouth frozen in a rictus of stifled laughter, as i try to read things like, "When the moon takes your life with a sharp pointy knife, that's a muuuuuuuuuurddderrr" without alerting every employee at the client site of my slacker-ness.
why can i conjure up words for a post, but not for a simple email to some woman i don't know? i'm looking for a domain controller. it's about 1u tall, answers to the name of 'lucky', and OH GOD IT'S JUST A BABY!
this is why i should not be allowed out of the house. ever. at least, not when i've had no sleep because i just can't lay down and close my eyes for 10 minutes. NO! i have to get up. and pee. and get a book. and a cookie. and some water. and read a few pages. then get up and fiddle with a website. and then read some more. and then take a bath, cause that will help me relax. and... oh wait, it's tomorrow. time to get up and go to work where i will be completely useless all day long.
but at least i had that great 7:45 am feeling, walking out into the coolness (relative to florida) of a DC summer morning with the sky all blue and deep like it only is when you've been up all night. i can breathe better when i've had no sleep. too bad i can't think or speak.
i want my day to be much more random than it currently is. when life was normal, and i spent half my time in hotels and airports, i could count on weird shit happening all the time. now i have to do the forced, go-out-and-people-watch-on-purpose thing.
i also have all of this inspiration to do stuff. time-consuming stuff. what a tease! i have no time this week! at all! at least, not time i can devote to things like making gazpacho (see, the cooking book, it rubbed off on me. and i crave cold tomato-y soupness), or painstakingly decorating my pan stands with tape or paint, or knitting, or going to the gym. i have time i can devote to writing rambling journal entries, because that looks and sounds like work. no matter how much i try, gazpacho creation does not appear to the clients as proper consultant-type work.
i have a desperate desire to write "pretty pretty please?" in this in-search-of-domain-controller email. does anyone else have problems with bizarre impulses like this? mine is ordinarily of the fire-alarm-pulling species. they're so bright red and right on the wall saying "pull" and i just want to pull them! every time i walk past one! especially those that i walk past every day, like the one in my apartment building.
ohhhh god it just came back to me, what i discovered in an insomniac haze and have NO TIME TO DEAL WITH. my stupid A/C is leaking water behind my desk and in my hallway (who am I kidding. I have no hallway. it's a square between my bedroom and my bathroom.) the wood tiles on the floor are buckling and becoming slightly damp wood-floor moutain ranges. i probably should have noticed this before, but i have dirt blindness, which also extends to leaking water.
this post is getting ridiculous. as in, ridiculously long.