to continue on a subject i just barely grazed in my last post:
impulses. i am sort of curious as to whether or not i am absolutely insane or whether other people have this experience. you're sitting in a meeting or a class and you really aren't doing anything but you can't doodle or get out your computer. then you start to wonder what would happen if you just stood up and screamed something like, 'that's what YOU think motherfucker!' or, you know, something less hostile but equally unexpected, like 'i wanna be a pretty ballerina!'
you think about this and think about this and eventually it becomes difficult NOT to get up and yell, or jump out the window (assuming it's first floor - no death wish here!), or whatever it is that has occurred to you.
this also happens, in a slightly different fashion, when i am driving. i start to picture what would happen if i lost control of the car, where it would go, what i would run into, what position i'd end up in inside the car. it's not so much that it becomes difficult not to ram the car into the concrete barrier - although i do keep a good grip on the steering wheel and eye that thing warily. but it is unsettling to picture this sort of thing so vividly.
i'm not losing my grip. i don't ever actually pull the fire alarm (which is more than can be said for my brother, heehee) (a story from his childhood we will never let him live down. old people, nursing home, 5 year old, fire alarms. he pulled three of them before one worked, though.) (he also knocked over an ink bottle on the mayor of jacksonville's desk on a cub scout trip.) (enough with the digressions!) i just want to know if other people have this, too.